


World's Dumbest Smart Guys

by dametokillfor



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 20:48:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6093601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dametokillfor/pseuds/dametokillfor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A guide to romance, Snart style, as observed by Mick Rory.</p>
<p>Or Mick deserves so much better than this emotionally stunted idiot as his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	World's Dumbest Smart Guys

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for all your amazing feedback and support, this fandom is amazing! Will be replying to all your comments as soon as I get a chance!
> 
> This fic originally started as a way to explain why Len had made a complete 180 towards Ray in 1x05. Somewhere along the way, it turned into a love letter to Mick, who has quickly become my favourite character to write.
> 
> Spoilers right up to 1x5, everything else has been conveniently ignored.

Mick is pretty certain he sees Snart's crush on Palmer coming before Snart does.

He’s known Snart for over 20 years, and has seen a thousand men and women come and go.

He's seen Snart's quiet infatuations with the unattainable. (He's _been_ one of Snart's infatuations, back when they’d first met. He wasn’t proud to say he’d lead a young Snart on, partly for his contacts, mostly because he could.)

He’s seen Snart in love. Anna, the brilliant cocktail waitress. Ty, the tragic prostitute. Mick's seen Snart become the good man he should be for them, only to fall spectacularly back to earth and the dark side when things have gone wrong. (Their best scores were always made with a heartbroken Snart, but Mick wouldn’t wish that pain on his friend for any diamond in the world. He’s getting sentimental in his old age). 

He's known Len long enough to know the difference between his drawl when he doesn’t have time for you, and his drawl when he can’t get his mind off you. Mick Rory may be considered the dumb one in their partnership, but he’s got a masters in Leonard Snart. 

And it’s how he can see that Len is ass over face crazy about Palmer. 

\---x

It starts with the teasing. 

Len's flirtations are very much those of a small boy in school. The one who made the girls cry, and had their mother’s telling them “it’s because he likes you sweetie!”

(If anyone had made one of Mick's daughters cry, they would be ash. Lisa's exes know this all too well.)

Len keeps extending Ray's name, calling him Raymond, not unlike the habit Stein has which drives them all insane. He keeps teasing him about his perfect hair, and perfect teeth. About how he’s a pretty boy, and a boy scout. 

Palmer takes it all in his stride, doesn’t seem to bat an eyelid at Len's attempts to bait him. Len wants Ray to know that he knows he exists, but Ray doesn’t seem to care. He’s either very brave, or very stupid. 

“You could try asking him for a drink.” Mick suggests, when Palmer doesn't respond to a jibe about playing fetch.

“That would mean spending time with him on purpose. No, thank you.” Len replies, staring at the space Ray had been. 

As Len leaves the bridge, following after Ray, Mick pinches the bridge of his nose. This is going to be a long ride. 

\---x

After Len’s started baiting whoever he’s set his sights on, comes Mick’s favourite part of a smitten Len. Len starts showing off to impress the object of his affections. With Anna, it was mixing cocktails that he’d spent hours trying out on Mick. (Mick will kill anyone who ever finds out just how much he enjoys a cosmopolitan). With Ty, it was his prowess at the poker table. (A game he learned specifically for Ty, and had never had any interest in before). 

With Palmer, it’s his engineering ability. It’s something Len just knows, not something he’s had to learn to impress someone. (This unfortunately means less spillover for Mick, less money to win, less fruity cocktails to drink as he practices). 

After their scrape in the 70’s, after Ray discovers Len’s criminal behaviour isn’t due to a lack of brains but rather because of them, he seems to warm to Len more. 

Ray offers him little smiles, talks to him about helping him upgrade the cold gun, and actually spends time with Len on purpose. If Len were a normal person, this would be the point where he decides to make a move on the person he was interested in. 

“Have you told the incredible shrinking nerd you’re into him yet?” Mick asks him as Len returns to their shared room one night. It’s late, and Len’s been with Ray, talking about modifications they could make to the gun. ( _Modifications Ray could make, while Len moons and pretends he’s forgotten how to use a soldering iron, so Ray will wrap his arms around him_ , Mick thinks). 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Len insists, shrugging off his parka. 

Unfortunately God didn’t see fit to bless Mick with a best friend who liked doing things the easy way. 

\---x

The third part is where Mick has often contemplated setting Len on fire. 

Once Len realizes how much he’s into someone, he freaks out. He doesn’t like being attached to people, because people let him down. Mick, Lisa, they’re the only two people that Len will really let in. As soon as Len realizes he’s crazy about someone else, he starts to push them away. 

Mick sees this after their Russian adventure. Len had been all over Ray, been all about teasing him, and showing him just what he could do. Steps one and two, merged together into what Mick had hoped was going to result in Len finally kissing the goddamn idiot. Ray had started gazing at Len when he wasn’t looking, smiling fondly at his sharp comments. 

And then they got thrown in the gulag, and Len had made it very clear he was only interested in saving Mick’s ass.

Ray had gone through hell for Mick in there, and Mick had finally started to see what it was that Len admired so much. He showed he was more than just a pretty boy in a pretty suit, and Mick had developed a real respect for him. 

Which is why Len’s new, old attitude of not needing anyone had started to grate on Mick more than usual. Especially after he sees Ray still gazing longingly after Len. Mick is almost concerned by how much he wants to tell the giant Labrador that Len is going through a phase, and he'll snap out of it.

Of course, he's the scariest guy on the ship, he's not about to give that title up by going all soft on a teammate.

So Len it is.

“Palmer thinks you hate him.” Mick tells him, in the middle of a fire and ice fight. His timing could be better, but he likes the drama.

“I don't care about him enough to hate him, Mick.”

Mick finds himself wondering if it's too late to side with Savage.

\---x

When Len hits brooding (read: pining), Mick is ready to explode.

Palmer seems to have gotten over his momentary crush on Len, no longer looks his way, or tries to start conversation with him. He's still the overly cheerful puppy dog that drives Mick insane, but he's not including Len in any of his schemes anymore, not searching him out.

This is the stage when Len admits he actually is interested in the nerd, and uses the fact Ray is ignoring him as proof they wouldn't have worked.

“If you'd talked to him, Len…” Mick starts. 

“And said what? I think we should hook up, think of it as team bonding.” 

They're in a bar, somewhere in a future Savage hasn't destroyed. Palmer is talking to a beautiful, blonde man. Green eyes, full lips, a genuine smile. Everything Len isn't. The man is hanging on his every word, and Len looks like he's ready to kill.

“I'm hopelessly in love with you, Raymond, so let's do the time warp again.” Another voice pipes up. Lance, with a pitch perfect impersonation of Len’s sarcastic tone.

Mick nods to her, “That.”

Mick likes Sara. She gets them, isn't afraid of them. She's also wicked funny, and can hold her liquor. She's pretty much Mick's dream girl, but maybe 15 years too young. She drapes an arm around Mick’s shoulder, and leans in to the conversation. 

“You do know he’s flirting with that guy to make you jealous, right?” Sara tells him, “Go over there, and stake a claim.”

“Too easy.” Mick tells him, “Len doesn't do things the easy way.”

Sara rolls her eyes, “Then I'll do things the easy way.”

Mick doesn’t know what he expects her to do, but kissing Len ain't it. She’s really going for it, so is Len when he gets over his surprise. Even Mick finds it pretty hot, Palmer would be crazy not to come over here and steal his man back. 

Mick looks across to where Palmer and the other man are, to see Ray looking over at them looking completely heartbroken. The other man is looking between Ray and this display. Blondie wraps his arm around Ray’s back, reaches up and whispers something in his ear. Ray tears his eyes from the kissing couple and looks to his new friend. He smiles and follows the blonde from the bar.

This isn't working.

When Sara pulls back from Len, she looks over across to where Hunter is staring at them, murder in his eyes. 

Correction, this isn't working for Len.

\---x

Mick corners Ray next time they're benched. Literally corners him in the cargo bay. Mick’s made sure he's out of the Atom suit, so he can't get away. They're somewhere in the late 2050's, and Mick has been putting up with this pining since the 70's. Technically.

“Len's in love with you.” He tells Ray, hand pressing him against the wall of the ship, “And he's a goddamn idiot, so you need to fix it.”

“What?”

Mick grunts. It's all he can do not to roll his damn eyes. “For a smart guy, you're pretty dumb.” 

“Len, _Snart_ is not interested in me. I thought he was, I wanted him to be, but as soon as I started flirting back, he ignored me.” Ray sounds like a kicked puppy, and Mick almost feels bad. “I got over it.”

“Len is an even dumber smart guy.”

Mick takes a deep breath. He doesn't want to do this, was hoping the L word would do the job for him. 

“Len doesn't like letting people too close. You got under his skin, and he panicked. Shit, Palmer, go talk to him. Or kiss him, fuck him, whatever. Anything that’ll stop you two pining.”

“I'm not pining.” Ray whines. _Whines_. 

“I carried you out of the gulag, kid, don't think I won't carry you to Len.” 

That seems to get Palmer’s attention. He looks Mick square in the eye, and hey, this puppy ain’t been neutered yet. 

“He lost his chance,” Palmer sounds angry, hurt, broken hearted. Mick didn’t sign up for this. Ray keeps talking, “I liked him, _like_ him, but I deserve better than someone who is too afraid to admit he has feelings, who had to get his best friend to tell me how he feels. We’re not kids.”

Mick is trying to resist the urge to knock Ray out, and lock him in a closet, then do the same to Len. He hasn’t decided if it would be the same closet. 

“ _Raymond_ ,” There’s a purring voice from behind them. Mick turns to see Len stood at the door. Mick doesn’t really want to be in the middle of this, this romantic crap, but he can’t help feeling like he needs to make sure the idiots fix this once and for all. 

“Feelings aren’t easy for me, Palmer. I don’t let people in, they let me down. You… got in.” Len explains, and even this sounds like a sneer, like he’s talking down to Ray, “Yes, I like you, and I don't hate the idea of starting something with you.”

“This is romantic for Len.”

This isn't romantic for Len. Mick has helped Len blanket hotel rooms with flowers, light a thousand candles and tested romantic meals to make sure his partner won't die from it. Mick went to a _wine tasting_. 

“I’m not going to make this easy, I’m going to be cold, and closed off, and I’m not going to talk about my feelings.”

Mick lets out a cough, covering the word, “Lies.” 

Len levels a glare at him, “Why are you still here?”

“Because I don’t trust you not to screw this up,” Mick explains simply. 

“You're not doing a great job so far.” Ray agrees, “You don't hate the idea of us?”

Len groans, slumps his shoulders like a teenager who has just been scolded, “Fine. You drive me crazy, I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you half the damn time.”

He takes a deep breath, “I joined Rip's little crusade for mayhem and the chance to steal priceless artifacts.” He lowers his voice, says it so quietly Mick isn't sure he heard it, “Now my main reason to stay is you.” 

Ray looks across to Mick. Mick shakes his head, “I'm still here for the stealing and mayhem.”

“So there, heart on the line.” Len steals Ray’s attention back, “That what you wanted?”

“Well, I didn't hate it…”

\---x

As Mick leaves the new lovebirds to it, with a stern reminder that he is a pyromaniac and if they fuck this up, they’re going to need skin donors, he realizes just how badly he needs a drink. 

Do they still have cosmopolitans in the future?

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr](http://damnstevens.tumblr.com).


End file.
